Hosting A Housewarming Pillows

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Tartine

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Wine Lady

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Biofelineism

"I didn't spark joy."

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Second hand furniture.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

Join me in a Martini?

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"