Housewarming During A Pandemic Pillows

"Yo, it's so great to see you and p*** off all of my neighbors at the same time!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Tartine

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I didn't spark joy."

Biofelineism

Second hand furniture.

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Man using to much bug spray

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.