Hostility Humor Fans Gifts

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Man...You age great!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Tequila Mockingbird

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'Guess who's teething?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Henry, cut that out.'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

Under New Mismanagement

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"