Hospitality Fan Pillows

"Front desk? There are no little candies on my pillow."

Complementary Beverages

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Valet park only"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

Opening the Barrel

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

With Compliments

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff

Bed and Breakfast