Hospital Workers With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"You have the right to die with dignity, but, until then, anything goes."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Happy Birthday to you.

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Your IQ came back negative."

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Disorderlies

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'The good news is it's curable, the bad news is you can't afford it.'

Just Browsing.

"Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Glenborn."

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

'These are your parking charges.'

'Have I been waiting long? Well, I guess so. I was forty three years old when I came in.'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

Nurse cautioning a patient

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'We're fresh out of miracles. Want to see a card trick?'

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'