Hospital Hero Pillows

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Hey Anesthesiologist! Let's pay attention!"

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

Medical Examinations.

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"Too early to tell if the treatment works, but I'm feeling nauseously optimistic."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

'I stopped taking the medicine because I prefer the original disease to the side effects.'

"John says you've all been compassionate and caring! Would you please stop... or he'll expect that at home!"

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Don't you hate it when there are parts left over?'

"Couldn't find anything wrong with this one. Maybe he's just lazy."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"No cause for alarm Luv, that's my basket sales!"

'Oncology''Offcology'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'We've tried everything.'

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."

"Follow up appointment... the doctor will be retired by then."

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

Recycling - Glass Cans Organs.

'Anyone here who didn't take the Hippocratic Oath?'

Man in hospital bed has two buttons: 1) Nurse 2) Lawyer

Patient Escaping from the Operating Theatre.

'Must they play The Long and Winding Road right now?'

'The bad news is you have only 4 minutes and 40 seconds to live. The good news is that's in 4th quarter football time.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'He's sleeping nice & peacefully - Lets wake him up for his obs.'