Hospital Hero Pillows

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

Medical Examinations.

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"Too early to tell if the treatment works, but I'm feeling nauseously optimistic."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

'I stopped taking the medicine because I prefer the original disease to the side effects.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"John says you've all been compassionate and caring! Would you please stop... or he'll expect that at home!"

'Don't you hate it when there are parts left over?'

"Couldn't find anything wrong with this one. Maybe he's just lazy."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"No cause for alarm Luv, that's my basket sales!"

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."

'We've tried everything.'

"Follow up appointment... the doctor will be retired by then."

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

Recycling - Glass Cans Organs.

Patient Escaping from the Operating Theatre.

Man in hospital bed has two buttons: 1) Nurse 2) Lawyer

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Anyone here who didn't take the Hippocratic Oath?'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'Must they play The Long and Winding Road right now?'

"If you find anything else wrong, just go ahead and fix it."

Pole Dancing on the Chemo Ward.

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

'Bad news, your blood group has been discontinued.'