Hospital Champion Gifts

Stress on GPs

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Dancing Doctor

Medical personnel give their hearts

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'What's holding him up?'

Cannabis: Anti-seizure Medication

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Doctors Discussion

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Very funny!'

"You call all this a side effect?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."