Hospital Champion Gifts

Stress on GPs

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Medical personnel give their hearts

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'What's holding him up?'

Cannabis: Anti-seizure Medication

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

Doctors Discussion

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Sick

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'Very funny!'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

"You call all this a side effect?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

It would be so great if, just once, someone didn't waltz in here complaining about something. Emergency.