Hose Enthusiast Gifts

Visual Gag Hosiery Hosiery for Hoses of all types

"What can I say. . . he likes the hose."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

The Stat-shoe of Liberty.

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Shoe addict.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

New Shoes.

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.