Hookah Host Gifts

The new smoking fad.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Wine Lady

Cardiac Recovery.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Pinata Trophies

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Mini Bar

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"A table in Siberia, please."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

"A table for two? Profit or non-profit?"