Hookah Host Pillows

The new smoking fad.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Wine Lady

Cardiac Recovery.

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Pinata Trophies

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Mini Bar

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'