Honor Humorist Pillows

'I graduated magna cum quat.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

Downloading Pregnancy

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."