Honking Humorists Pillows

"Al, stop honking at the car ahead to move faster! This is a funeral procession."

No Soliciting

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

"I prefer to think out of the box."

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

Born Cynical,,,,

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

"His schlock has gravitas."

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

"Those in favour, honk!"

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Fishermen catching each other as fish looks on.

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

My Life as a Troll

If Global Warming is a left wing plot...it's a very good one.

Rush hour traffic with inconsiderate drivers.

"Why didn't you give granny flowers...when she could water them herself?"

Campus. F. You wrote "As air cools, water condenses and droplets form" in your paper for civics clss? I mistakenly Googled "Dew process" when I was writing it.

Vegetable Intelligence Agency. Gentlemen, I'm afraid there's a Leek in our organization!

Robinson Crusoe's lucky day.

"An exquisite diatribe against the conflagration of an urban elite."