Honest Humor Fans Pillows

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Henry, cut that out.'

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Under New Mismanagement

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"What?!"

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"If you ask me, a day at the beach is no damn day at the beach."

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Beer Lunch

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

Make your own bottled water.

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Pastoral Choirs

Psycho-plankton.

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'