Homeland Security Official Gifts

'Well! Excuse me! If this appears to be what it may appear to be, I'm going to be quite annoyed, even quite very annoyed, to the point of saying, 'Darn you, secret service! Double darn you!''

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

Cafe Burns.

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

Office Ergonomics.

Caution signs.

Danger Falling Leaves

'Yeah, I slipped on a banana skin too...'

'In my day, we didn't concern ourselves with wimpy notions of workplace ergonomics.'

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"Don't forget your gunfighting helmet."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

The Costs Of Doing War.

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

'This is your lucky day!'

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

Speeding Forklift

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

"You fool! Those boots were made for walking!"

"What makes you think this could be a suspect package?"

Soldiers look at Humpty Dumpty. One says: 'Yeah it was an OK fall, but I wouldn't really say it was a great fall.'