Homeland Revisitor Gifts

Travel: 'We wanna send Dad back to the old country - just for a visit, of course!'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

Gone Fishing

TOXIC TIMES

"This is highly confidential, so, yes, we built a little fort."

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Highland cow and Scottish bull fighter.

"Leon rents out his time machine to people who have to go back and 'un-day' stuff that's now considered offensive."

Feel Good About Yourself - Give Me Money!

Did you celebrate Barack Obama yesterday? Why? Because it was President's Day and it's Black History Month. I celebrated half of him. When do you celebrate the other half? St. Patrick's Day. But he's only part Irish. West Fester.

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

"For the last days of Hispanic Heritage Month, Gracie Bermudez will be wearing a traditional Latino outfit!"

New Year's Resolutions...

Easter Island.

'I think it's past its sell-by date.'

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."

"My ancestry results said my DNA was 4% Wales."

Welcome to Europe

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

Trumpty Dumpty sat on his wall his 'perfect' economy in a free fall no magical thinking or lysol vaccine could ever restore his grafting machine.

'It's a beautiful home with the exception of a little radon gas."

Jung vs Freud.

Ireland on St. Patrick's Day. . . If all who claimed to be Irish were.

Celebrate Hmong New Year.

'I guess it's progress of a kind. They used to destroy entire continents; now it's just us!'

R. Wickert: Born at Home, Died at Home, Home Schooled. . .

"Is that grandad, Mum?"

If you see something whack something.

"And ten she said what big ears I'd got. You don't think I've got big ears do you Brian?"

'I'm serving you with a schedule of dilapidation.'

Lost Youth

'As the housing inspector, I'm telling you to install a smoke detector.'

"Oy! According to this site, I'm 80% Jewish."