Home Swap Enthusiast Gifts

'Ere Mabel, know anything about agreeing to a home swop?'

"I didn't spark joy."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

'This guy's FAST!'

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

'Henry, just break down and buy a power drill.'

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

'I was interested to see that you're living in a complete pigsty. Ours isn't quite finished yet.'

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"

'I'll swap you my Wimbledon freebies for your Anodised pan set!'

Another over-do-it-yourself project.

Harry believed in having the right tool for the wrong job.