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Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Just the one...

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

1930's Lady.

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Nouveau wine

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

Join me in a cup of tea!

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'