Home Sitter Humorist Pillows

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Carpet Cows

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'