Home Mover Humorist Pillows

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

A Semicolon.

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!