Home Mover Humorist Pillows

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

A Semicolon.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"