Home Security Cynic Gifts

Beware of the Dog

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

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"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

"My dad put in a new security system."

Beware of the dog.

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'He's always on the heightened alert!'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

Beware the Dog

"It's all set. If your husband tries to get into the fridge after 9pm he'll receive an electrical shock

'My masters have upgraded the security system: There's a ten-digit passcode on the cat-flap now...'

Bathroom privacy options: A guide.

"Hi honey, I'm home."

'For cryin' out loud. All I said was I thought I heard a noise outside last night!'

"The game's over. Will you switch it back to our home security cam?"

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."