Home Sale Strategist T-Shirts

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

'Good point. It's been on the market far too long. I'll change the picture. I shouldn't be smiling.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

Water is discovered on the moon....

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

Entertainment systems

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Mouse real estate!

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Sinking sales

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Yo-Yo Sales

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"