Home Ruler T-Shirts

The dominant male leaves a pungent marker to identify his territory. It's a warning to others...keep away!

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"That doesn't look like setting the table to me."

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

A politician's dream come true...

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Interactive TV news.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

"God, I love this show!"

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

'They say a man's home is his castle...here's your sceptre, your highness, the throne is plugged!'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"I want an eponymous retail empire when I grow up, Greg. What do you want?"

Mouse showing wife the heart shaped mouse he has made

'I know, I left the electric blanket on too long.'

"I am a control freak."

"Here comes the sports section!"

'Your Majesty could have gold fish in the moat.'

"This is our coffeemaker room."

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"