Home Repair Hopeful Gifts

A DIY disaster.

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

The Fuse

"The blow drier is broken."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"Was it a fuse?"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

"Do you really know what you're doing, or do you Google-search know?"

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'I seem to have a spare tap son.'

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Bathing and Showering.

Wait! It might be cheaper to just knock it down and build from scratch.

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.