Home Monarch Gifts

'They say a man's home is his castle...here's your sceptre, your highness, the throne is plugged!'

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'How about a game of cards?'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Surprise!"

'How about a game of cards?'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

The Royal Wii

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

King completes rubik's cube.

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

The Royal Wii.

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'