Home Mess Maestro Gifts

'Stuff falling out of the closet, old pizza turning green, dust bunnies blowing around...my room isn't messy, mom, it's interactive!'

Face painting.

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Happy now?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

Decorating with Children

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

"We can't agree on a size."

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

Organized chaos.

Untidy bedroom

'Where are the kids?'

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

"Cool game!"

Irritable gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle

Conducting the Orchestra on the TV

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

Nest building

Mess Hall. The new recruit was assigned to kitchen duty. We have a private chef!