Home Maintenance Day Gifts

"Looks like the termite man's here."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

"Someone posted a picture of you working in the yard, so I knew right away it had to be a deepfake."