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"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"Please don't interrupt Mommy when she's in her gym slash office slash living room slash cafeteria."

Jungle Games

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

"Tarzan no want computer."

urban agriculture

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

tiger strangling snakes

"We call it, 'Green meadows' because that's what it was before we decided to build on it."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"It's a letter from the council, about our window box."

"I'm going to make you a stay-at-home mom."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"Here's my plan. We grow our roots for 30 years until they crack the cement, which dismantles the fence. Then we just push it ove and make a break for it. You in?"

'The old man's really serious about his rooftop gardening.'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

Reality Bites

'I'd love to help you guys, but I've got it pretty good here. I protect them and they throw me their sick and occasionally the odd jerk they want rid of.'

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."