Home Improver Gifts

'I'm just sayin', maybe we should look for another real estate agent!'

'It says right here in your contract, folks: 'Some settling may occur during the first year'.'

'I gotta hand it to you, Conway. It takes a genius like you to figure out how to get an 8-foot-long table through a 3-foot-wide door!'

"It's in a very, very, very good neighborhood."

"We're in the tub together. But not like it used to be."

"Have you been trying to fix this yourself?"

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I've never known people who take as many baths as they do!'

'We loved the location, so we simply added on.'

'It's just until we get the lock fixed.'

"Since he lost his job I try to keep him busy around the house."

'Your house is made of cheese. You don't smell that?'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Ray's as excited as...well...as excited as a guy who just bought a snowblower on the eve of a storm.'

"Marie has been planning for my retirement for years."

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'Alfred, Darling - I think your bath is ready!'

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Grass isn't greener

'He keeps the duct tape industry in the black.'

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'Nice needlework, dear, but we don't need a bigger house.'

Hair trigger

'Maybe you should fix the TV stand.'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

Six dead, 42 missing in what witnesses are calling the worst insecticide in recent memory.

'I don't know if your husband is the same, but mine starts lots of projects but never finishes any...'

Prisoner

'I've done most of it - You'll only need to put it together again and make it work.'

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Sorry, m'am! Nothin' I can do to repair those pipes!'

"Is it Humid in here or is it just me?"

"Wow! Blue toilet water"