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"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

'Have you no common scents?!'

Woman thinking about luxuries.

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

Pheromones.

'Sure I said I love 'new car smell', but not as an aftershave.'

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

"Of course it's not a mirage - mirages don't wear Chanel No 5."

"What pheromone are you using?"

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

"Does she like to smell strange?"

Canal No. 5: Vagrance

"You get your money back if your don't get laid in seven days."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

'That bacon sarnie fragrance gets them every time!'

'This one will bring him to his knees. And this one will start the proposal.'

"He'll definitely notice this one madam, especially if you leave the receipt where he can find it."

'My husband is all work and no play. Do you have anything that smells like an office?'

'Have you got something that says, 'I've got a headache?''

'Do you have a perfume that will make me smell thinner?'

"I've just invented the first thought controlled perfume. It makes scents when you think about it."

'It's hunting season again. Got anything that smells like fresh venison?'

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

"Honey, they just can't resist it."

'It was a personality clash form the very beginning. My perfume versus his after shave!'

"I'm due in court today. Do you have anything that smells like community service?""

"Whore of Babylon?"

'He'll love this one. It has the scent of a baseball glove.'

"Do you have one called date?"

Russell Brand dating Geri Halliwell.

'Now, this one gets about a hundred males to the gallon.'

"...And it has a pheromone which will make him submissive to you."