Home Fixers Pillows

Unreliably plumbers

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

The Fuse

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'