Home Excavation Enthusiast Pillows

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"I didn't spark joy."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Building Blocks.

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

Building a company.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"The bones were bad enough, but this is just ridiculous."

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Engineer on the move.

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

Meow Power Demolition team.

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

'Guess they're still fixing the street.'

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."