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'Oh, this is my son - I'm home-enlightening him.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

OM, SWEET OM

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

Living together, couple in love.

Truth

I am one with stupid.

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'