Home Efficiency Expert Gifts

The vaccum salesman.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

'Working on my computer save me loads of spare time. To do more stuff on my computer.'

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

Peacock of Productivity

How Many It Takes

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."