Home Efficiency Expert Pillows

The vaccum salesman.

'Hey, Don. Check out the new attachment I got for vacuuming the stairs!'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Maybe clean out your wallet

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

'Working on my computer save me loads of spare time. To do more stuff on my computer.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

Peacock of Productivity

How Many It Takes

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.