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"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

PsIkeatrist.

"Our new furniture is a remarkable piece of Japanese technology that changes ambience depending on your mood."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Cat statues on entrance gate

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"You're welcome."

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

This is the first time I've been on the top management floor.

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Pea green

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

King Madras

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"