Home Decor Aficionados Gifts

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Having a welcome mat and a moat sends mixed messages.

PsIkeatrist.

"Our new furniture is a remarkable piece of Japanese technology that changes ambience depending on your mood."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Cat statues on entrance gate

"You're welcome."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

Board Game Hunter

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

Posh Easter Egg

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

King Madras

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."