Home Convenience Enthusiast Pillows

'I don't like the arrangement, but it saves my husband trips during the night.'

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"I didn't spark joy."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Living together, couple in love.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

How the cords get all tangles up when you're away.

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"Let's go for the four-slot toaster."

Winford gets the latest in refrigerator technology with an ATM ice dispenser.

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

"Nice, but it's still a fish bowl. We'd like something with a little more privacy."

Kangaroo Pocket

Homeowners.

"When I first met Howard, he had a touch of class. As it turns out, it was just a touch."

Condom Delivery

"We need one with three zones."

'I'm tired of using every part of the stupid buffalo -- I wish they'd put a Wal-Mart in around here!'

'I miss my water bed.'

Coming Home

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

Sitting around the warm glow of the TV.

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Robot Washing Up.