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"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Alternative Medicine.

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"Holy moly!"

Acupuncture clinic

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

The Farmer Sutra.

'It's anxiety. Don't worry, vitamin B happy.'

"Cardiac day patients?"

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Academy.

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

'Rent two 'feel good' movies, and call me in the morning.'

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'