Holiday Over-indulger Gifts

Overweight Man Talks to Servant Boy

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

M.D. I suppose that will be okay, but no more milk and cookies starting tomorrow.

'Red for me, please.'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Bowl Games.

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

Swearing and fighting in a caravan

"He's looking for the next big leftovers holiday."

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

"Wow, another turkey sandwich?"

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

Holidays are Here, Think!

'Great. Looks like I'll be packing on more weight.'

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

'It must of crept on over christmas...'

Underneath an overweight.

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

I'm taking you off the milk and cookies diet.

"I'm going to my Grandma's on Thanksgiving to pig out...and also be thankful."

Things you'll never hear me say.

'Yeah, me, too — I gained it all back over the holidays.'

I'd like the double mocha caramel eggnog latte with nutmeg and holiday sprinkles

'Do you have a diet plan that allows me to eat turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie?'

Rosh Hashanah Expenses

"How's about this beauty? 28 days, 67,000 calories."

Man & ham. A cautionary tale.

'We didn't prepare the goose, Mr. Scrooge. Since we've become veggies, it's porridge for all.'