Holiday Negotiator Pillows

'You've got toys, I've got triple fudge cookies - let's deal!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Looking for this? Now let's talk about that train set you didn't bring.'

'What if I promise not to look?'

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

Christmas escape plan

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

Tunnel of Begrudging Compromise.

Salesman in a Santa suit

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Keep your answers short and in the form of a question.

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

Father Christmas dishing out money for the retailers

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

'I never kiss on the first date.'

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."