Holiday Joker Gifts

'You need an urgent operation. But not to worry, I'll make sure you're on my list.'

'Oh great...another new tie.'

"My name is Morris Mandlebaun, I'm 28 years old and I want a tell, blond, blue-eyed shiksa."

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Christmas fruitcake experiment # 143: 'Can it survive re-entry into Earth's atmosphere?'

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

The game Rudolph Missed Most.

"Fighting dog? Ha!! I'm a veteran who survived five Christmases, so don't give me any sh*t, buddy!"

"Do you take Tom for better or worse. Through sickness and health. Until Thanksgiving do you part?"

"Okay, okay... so, I didn't kill the bird myself. What's the big deal?"

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

"I've got a stuffy nose."

"Remember, if you don't give me what I want, I know where you live!"

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

Baggage Reclaim

'The Sky is falling...Thanksgiving is coming!'

"He always falls for that trick."

A man staying afloat on an anchor at sea.

Peter Cottontail runs into an especially dangerous section of the Bunny Trail.

'Do you think they'll feed us something special for Christmas dinner?'

'Six more days until the day after Christmas when I can be naughty again.'

"Watch out...It's a TRAP!"

"The freezer's almost empty, so be sure to bring back more bad boys and girls than you did last year!"

There's nothing certain in this world except death and taxes and getting a Christmas card from someone you crossed off your list.

"When I was a boy, Santa would put coal in our socks if we were bad. Now I see he's using plastic explosives."

Night of the Latkes

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

"A little under done?"

Santa's Helpers

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"