Holiday Humbugs Gifts

Silent Night.

'I know about the council cutbacks - but it's not my idea of 'festive lights'...'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Stonehenge Sandcastle

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

"Gesundheit!"

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"AS a matter of fact, yes, you have told me you vacationed on Earth."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Santa Elevator

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you with NSA?'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

"Airbnb?"

Santa entering a pool for a swim

"Instead of eggs, you're going to look after the lost balls in the water hazards."

"I heard that Santa's cutting out the 30% employee discount on toys."

Santa School.

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

Swearing and fighting in a caravan

Now Playing: Christmas ? The Ultimate feel-Good Musical!

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

'Uh oh! Santa brought the kids a pet cat!'