Holiday Hilarity Appreciator Gifts

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Piranhaclaus

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Tourists and their Pets.

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

Santa's Helpers

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"I noticed a few browns."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Christmas on Other Planets.

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

A few post-Christmas options for Santa.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."