Holiday Gourmand Gifts

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Just one more choccy...

'Is it organic?'

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"It's fondue night!"

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Dijon Vu

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Capturing a Cook

Monday. Grab what you can for dinner. I'm shopping for Thanksgiving! Tuesday. I didn't pack your lunches. I'm fixing cranberry relish. Wednesday. Shoo! I'm making the pies! I know how the pilgrims felt. I'm starving!

Huge Christmas Pudding