Holiday Gifts T-Shirts

"Who's the new guy?"

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Which Hilton have you booked me into?

"I might just get a pie."

LOOSE LOCKDOWN

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'Hang on a minute...'

Loopholes

"Ticket and passport, please."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Mouse returns home from work.

'The whole office is slack-jawed and drooling! It's either a zombie invasion or that smooth jazz you play on the intercom.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Snake Charming

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.