Winter Holiday Gifts T-Shirts

"In the middle of winter, I have my seasonal affective disorder meds to keep me cozy."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I might just get a pie."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

"Ticket and passport, please."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Mouse returns home from work.

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Loopholes

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Hang on a minute...'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Snake Charming

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Who's the new guy?"

Cannibal recipes.