Historical Revisionists Pillows

$1,000,000

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Inside One's Memory Bank

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

The Evolution Of Man.

Arthur Schopenhauer

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

The Great Leap Forward

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Plagiarist!"

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Mr. Bush, this is Vytautas Landsbergis, in Vilnius. Guess what."

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Max Weber

'Marx and Engels - why they split.'

Look, Oog and Whonk just invented the intersection.

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

A turning point in young Louis Pasteur's Life.

Eye Off the Ball

Maria Sibylla Merian

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

Auguste Comte

The first 'outside the box' thinker.

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

John McCain, pre-RIP