Historical Achievers Gifts

Captain Tom Moore

Vlad the Impala

U of Debt

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

GCSEs

"Showoff"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"I need to clone myself."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

Jumping Man

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

'He's a real high flyer!'

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Procrastinators Incorporated

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

"Great! I've finally mastered all my competencies and my teachers still have most of their hair."

"What - you got As in Maths, Nature, Science and English? Son, haven't you watched the news or looked online - if you want to succeed nowadays you have to be dumb as dirt!"

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

Horace Mann

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

Lady Jane Grey

Psychologist Birthdays

Graduate of 2021

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

Charles I

Bernard Hinault

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'I'm taking post-graduate work to learn how to read at least the fifth grade level.'