High Street Mourner Pillows

'I might see if they're any cheaper online.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Se Non E Vero' Etc.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

You Know You're Old When...

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

"He hasn't been the same since his phone died."

'Aw,come on- we can't even afford 'from'.'

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

'I feel ridiculous!'

'Not another charity shop.'

Save this Wilderness.

'But MOM...how can I have shopping cred without a credit card?'

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

His suit: Italian. His shoes: English. His fries: French.

A Cow Funeral.

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

'How am I going to pay for all this stuff?'

"Aare you sure this is what he meant by a quiet funeral?"

"These two centres are all the same. . . we could be anywhere in the country."

"We were a once proud nation of shopkeepers!"

"Whilst I appreciate the vacuum demonstration, I do not wish to have my late mother's ashes on my new carpet!"

Ted Baker

"She died peacefully surrounded by her 10,000 followers."

"With the Coffin 3000, you can take it with you."

"There's been a huge outpouring of emoticons."

The Grave

"Wrong line, buddy."

"Come on, love. All this fuss just because your mobile phone died."

"We're disbanding the book club and canceling the fundraiser so we can grieve for six months. It's what Irene would have wanted."

'Why do you come here every month?'

Jan was a very shrewd shopper...she wisely chose the lesser of two evils!!

Cemeteries of the future

"It was nice for his online friends to turn up!"

Funeral for a phone. Farewell friend, thanks for the talks. I'm glad our souls did meet. I prefer not to think that you have died. RIP CELLPHONE. But live on, just obsolete. Hey, that's worse!