High Street Mourner Pillows

'I might see if they're any cheaper online.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Se Non E Vero' Etc.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

You Know You're Old When...

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

'Aw,come on- we can't even afford 'from'.'

"He hasn't been the same since his phone died."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'Not another charity shop.'

Save this Wilderness.

'But MOM...how can I have shopping cred without a credit card?'

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

His suit: Italian. His shoes: English. His fries: French.

A Cow Funeral.

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

'How am I going to pay for all this stuff?'

"Aare you sure this is what he meant by a quiet funeral?"

"These two centres are all the same. . . we could be anywhere in the country."

"Whilst I appreciate the vacuum demonstration, I do not wish to have my late mother's ashes on my new carpet!"

Ted Baker

"She died peacefully surrounded by her 10,000 followers."

"We were a once proud nation of shopkeepers!"

"With the Coffin 3000, you can take it with you."

"There's been a huge outpouring of emoticons."

"Wrong line, buddy."

"Come on, love. All this fuss just because your mobile phone died."

The Grave

"We're disbanding the book club and canceling the fundraiser so we can grieve for six months. It's what Irene would have wanted."

'Why do you come here every month?'

Jan was a very shrewd shopper...she wisely chose the lesser of two evils!!

Cemeteries of the future

"It was nice for his online friends to turn up!"

Old lady's mobility scooter has six stickers on the side of pedestrian victims.