High Standards Haver Gifts

These Days Water is not just Water

Can I give you a slice of the action?

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

"I need to clone myself."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'He's a real high flyer!'

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

You will always find a spot to garden

"Wow, I'm upset. I didn't think I could get upset anymore... crazy."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

A granny tortoise with a quilted shell.

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

Your son knows three computer languages, but he's flunking English.

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

Quality Family Time.

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

A guy like you who lives life in the fast lane has to expect a few fender benders.

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'I wasn't really stretching myself.'

"It's for my mother. Just wrap it in an envelope with return postage."

Beaver to other about eaten trees: 'Sorry about the maple trees - I have a sweet tooth.'

The card room at Bath

I don't think your heart's in the hospitality game.

'Book of Virtues'...'Book of Vices'

'I think I'll just leave a hate tip,'

"Good dog. Good dog."

"We're hoping he'll end up on the street - Harley, Downing, Wall..."

Windows are just for show.

We want to put all our money into bricks.

"Oh no! Who's been eating my food?"

Al's punditry barn